Poetry in Madness

…a place for the bad things.

The flood of notifications Constant and deafening Each one more vile Each one more unhinged

They roll in around you Like an abyss pulling you inward Life rolling along, texts rolling in Like the winds of a hurricane passing over

Unrelenting Unbelievable Unread Until life takes a break

Reading them is like watching a train slowly crashing Each one a new moment of a horrible tragedy unfolding Never will the sound of that notification not being the anxiety of what’s on the other side of it Never again will communication be regarded the same

Here they come The eye has passed over Brace yourself for the winds Buckle up and weather the storm

When the full life of the barrel concludes It will have been filled and drained many times over

Various liquids of various sources Passed through it On their way to other destinations

Once the last opaque drop is gone Look to the bottom Shine your light See those scratches in the wood The deep gouged lines of a madman’s nails

Those marks show the depths he was willing to reach He scraped and slashed at whatever drop of anything was left All to ensure that the barrel still had purpose and value All because he knew the next fill would erase the pain of the liquid stored the time before

Once the barrel’s life comes to an end So does the madman as one’s use fulfilled the other’s purpose Once the barrel is dry, the madman will succumb to the drought

Heart dry. Mouth dry. Mind dry. A madman full of passion slowly withered to a pile of dust. Returned to the earth as dust As he wished Burn the barrel The fire forged it in the beginning Just as it did him The fire shall be the last kiss for them both Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.

It doesn’t take much Just a few drops can compromise the entire supply

Poison of mind and of heart is the most concerning Once that well runs dry or is poisoned All is lost
Passersby know not that the water is tainted Suffering is certain

Why would you understand? Why would you justify? Knowing the suffering firsthand.

Once the poison spills to my lips, I’ll drink with abandon. I won’t shy away I won’t run I will run to you, for one last kiss Knowing you are immune Selfish is my love Selfless is my existence

Do you throw in the towel On love On life

If they are safe and financially secure Did they lose Do they win

How does one give up and give in to give more and give all

These are my thoughts. My inner desire to simultaneously care for in care of this entity. This being. This soul I’ve been entrusted with watching over.

Zoom out. It isn’t even the end. It’s just a chapter. Just a page. Just a paragraph.

Our story isn’t over. It’s just part of the writing and this page ends in sadness and security while the next opens with light and purity.

I’m at a crossroad. I both yearn for her and yearn to free her. My actions would be deemed selfish while the intent is selfless. It matters not to me what is thought of in the end and after I’m gone. Few knew me, if any.

I’m just a version and variation at any point in time to whomever bore witness to that moment. A chameleon in a sheep costume luring the wolves. The demons were kept close. The addictions and impurities covered in acts of kindness and caring. I’m a monster that deserves this instance to be relegated to whatever purgatory waits for me on the other side before I reboot into whatever is next.

Time to reset. Time to succumb. Time to release and to offer freedom in return.

I won’t let go... I won’t let go of these ideals. I won’t let go of my love. I will let go of the edge to which I grasp with desperation. I will let gravity win. I will take care without risk or burden of more strife. More sadness and more discontent.

We are but mere moments in time. My time is a blip on the radar of the universe so who is to say that a star shouldn’t burn out in a fiery show to be witnessed and celebrated vs to be thought of as risk and peril to other stars or planets in its destructive path.

Goodnight. Rest well. Sweet dreams and wake refreshed knowing my existence was fueled by purpose thanks to you and them. I’m forever grateful and I’ll see you in the next page or chapter.

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